Tattooed Mamas FTW

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I got my first tattoo when I was 18 or 19. I was still living at home and had to pay my sister $5 to not tell my parents. And now, my parents have way more tattoos than I do. Tattoos have totally gone mainstream.

And am I bemoaning that fact? Am I a tattoo snob? Hell no! I love tattoos, on any and everyone. They're beautiful, meaningful, make a statement and are personal. Sure, there are a hell of a lot of crappy ones out there (hello, Ugliest Tattoos) but I think they are a great thing.

I know, I know. You don't think a tattoo will look good on your skin when you're 70 (psst... nothing will look good at 70, sorry). You don't like any image enough to have it permanently on your skin. There are lots of reasons people always give to not tattoo- but here's the thing:

So, without further ado, here are my tattoos.

Shoulder, left

Left ankle.

Chest, right (cover up of my first 2 tattoos)

Shoulder, right. 

And if you're not on Twitter, you are fortunate to have missed my hours long whiny #tattootweet fest as  I got my Mother's Day present. I H.A.T.E. getting tattoos- it hurts. If you haven't gotten one, it feels like exactly what it is- a needle stabbing you a million times and being dragged over your skin. It's not fun. Thank you so much to my Twitter pals for keeping me company. I really appreciated it!

So, what about you? Do you tattoo? I'd love to see- leave your links in the comments below!

What I Want For Mother's Day? Not What You Think

Tweet I've been thinking (fantasizing) for a while about what I want for Mother's Day. Sadly, since we homeschool, my kids won't be coming home with any adorable hand print cards or flower shaped coupon books. Not Blessed Dad usually doesn't drop the ball, but he's a dude. Sunday morning he'll go get me some flowers from the grocery store, or ask me what I want to do. I remember one year he went into the playroom to clean it, and came out after about 5 minutes- looking bewildered and frightened. He tries (usually), but you know- he's a dude.

Of course, I want all the normal things moms want for Mother's Day. A tricked out mini-van, a clean house, flowers and candy and a meal I don't have to cook. I want all of those things too. But I realized there were other things I wanted more....

I don't want to make any macaroni and cheese. I don't want to wipe popsicle off the floor. I don't want to referee any fights. I don't want to say any of these phrases: Speak nicely, be kind, touch nicely, no hitting, please share, be gentle, or let me help you. I don't want to do any laundry, get anyone clean underwear, or find any missing flip flops. I don't want to brush anyone's hair. I don't want to hear "Moooooooooooooommmmmmm" five million times. I don't want anyone to treat my gut like a bounce house.

I guess it all boils down to what I want most of all. For Mother's Day, I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOM.

Hold on, hold on. Don't get me wrong. My kids are the sun, moon and stars to me. They're my life, and that's the way I like it. I treasure them- but god dammit, I just need to get away from them. I need to be me for a little while. I need quiet, I need peace, I need to be treated like an adult. I want to do what I want to do- and I don't even know what that is, but it's definitely not watching My Little Pony or pushing someone on a swing for a gazillion hours. Just for a day.

So children, I love you more than anything. But please, for Mother's Day- GTFO. 

Am I a horrible mom for thinking this? What do YOU want for Mother's Day?

But They Look So Normal... (Or, Homeschooling)

Tweet While at the dentist the other day, the hygienist asked Spawn#2 if her brothers were at school. *Insert pregnant pause where Spawn#2 looks at me for guidance in how to answer.* "We homeschool," I smoothly replied.

Double take. That second look where the hygienist tries to see how she could miss that we were some of those weird homeschoolers. The kid looks normal! We're wearing jeans and flip flops. No crosses in sight. She just can't believe her eyes.

I gotta tell you, I don't think I'll ever quit loving that moment. That moment when we reveal our dirty little secret to someone, and watch them think- BUT THEY LOOK SO NORMAL!

And yup, we are... uh, normal. Well, our weirdness doesn't come from homeschooling. But I digress.

Your friendly neighborhood Not Blessed Mama is here to break it down for you. Want to know about crazy homeschoolers? I'm here for you. Here are some questions I've been asked recently:

1. Are all of your kids friends homeschoolers too? Not all, but a lot. We like to do stuff during the week, during the day. Everything's less crowded and more awesome.

2. What do you do for school? Some people like to do a "classroom at home" approach. Some people unschool and never do any workbooks at all. We're in the middle. We belong to a charter to get funds for supplies and classes, and we're supervised by a teacher. But I chose what to teach, when and how.

3. What do you do for a living? THIS. This is my job- I've stayed home since Spawn#3 was born 11 years ago. A post on how to afford staying home is coming up in the near future (read: how to be broke all the time).

4. How do you manage being with the kids all the time? Sometimes, I don't. Yesterday I locked myself in the bathroom and pretended to poop so I could have quiet for 5 minutes. I sat and read a book on the toilet until I could manage to look at the kids again.

5. Why do you homeschool? Do your kids have special needs? I've gotta admit, this one threw me for a loop. I homeschool for many reasons- so many, it would be hard to list. But my kids are just normal ol' kids, and I decided that homeschooling would be the best choice for us.

6. Do you homeschool to keep your kids sheltered? Uh, my kids have been around the block. No sheltering going on here. Spawn#3 was able to spell ass when he was 3 years old. (He's special.)

And there you have it! I hope that gives you a little bit more insight into the confusing, murky world of homeschooling. If you have more questions, leave them in the comments below. I'd be happy to answer in the least sarcastic way possible.

Some paper we made for a presentation. Whee, learning is fun!

Hey, want to read more homeschooling propaganda? Check out my friend's new blog- The Homeschooling Atheist!

Clorox, Spiderman, and The Bathroom

Tweet Bathrooms are so important to mothers.

Are you laughing at me already? I'm serious! Think about all the time we spend in there- cleaning, potty training, pretending to poop so that we can have an excuse to lock the door for 5 minutes. It's such an important place, it deserves to be capitalized. The Bathroom. 

I could fill a novel with bathroom stories- easily. I think I posted once about how Spawn#3 tested the limits of my sanity by filling the toilet bowl with glitter, toys and the kitchen (bathroom?) sink. That was pretty horrendous. But one of the funniest things my rotten kid ever did in the bathroom had to do with Spiderman- and it was before I blogged, so I didn't take a picture (dang!). You'll have to make do with this artist's rendering- 

Yes, my adorable angelic child covered the whole, entire bathroom with a can of Spiderman "web". It was EVERYWHERE. It's too bad that our bathroom didn't have a blue theme, because the garlands hanging from the ceiling were really quite festive. The smell wanted to make you pass out, of course. But at least it didn't smell like pee in there. For once. 

I left up a little reminder of the silly string incident- right there up by the air vent. Because I haven't had 3 spare minutes in the past 2 years to drag a chair in there and get it off of the ceiling.

And while I could regale you with my bathroom stories for no reason, I actually have a point today (stop looking so surprised). The people over at Clorox, along with Sherri Shephard, have created The Clorox Lounge. It's a site designed to share a little humor about the bathroom and to give you a laugh. There's currently a Last Comic Sitting competition, where you can vote for which Mom and Dad comics tickle your funny bone.  If you're more of a Facebook person, check 'em out over there. 

*Guess what guys! Someone actually compensated me for writing something! Hilarious, huh? 

I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Clorox® blogging program, to earn My SocialMoms Rewards Points. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own. To read more posts on this topic, click here.

Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Zenni Optical

Tweet I've been wearing glasses since I was in the 7th grade. That's *cough* a long time.

And I've always, always gotten my glasses from an optometrist- or Wal-Mart, or Sears, or whatever. Until recently, when I saw someone I followed on Twitter (do you follow me on Twitter?) talking about Zenni Optical. They're an on-line prescription glasses retailer. I'd heard about such sites before, but I'd never had any experience with them (or even known anyone who did). After I checked out their site, I knew I wanted to order from them. Glasses starting at $6.95? Wow.

I went and got an eye exam, and the optometrist huffed and puffed a little when I asked for my pupillary distance- but I got it. Zenni was even having a buy 2, get 1 free sale- so I ordered 3 pairs of glasses. I figured that if I was disappointed, at least I was only out $30. And oh my, oh my, oh my. I am in love!

Do you see those glasses? Black and white frames, with a tiny silver skull and crossbones on each side. And they were ten bucks!! Never in my life have I been able to order a fun, funky, silly pair of glasses like this- because glasses are freaking expensive. Usually just one pair is close to a hundred bucks. If you're lucky, you can find a pair for $38-50, but the frames are never nice and it's a limited selection.

 Zenni Optical has revolutionized the way I buy eye glasses. That sounds dramatic, I know. But you have no idea how hard it was for me in the 90's, when everyone was wearing their cool sunglasses with the colored lenses. I was lucky if I even had a pair of prescription sunglasses, let alone one with sweet blue lenses. And now, because of Zenni optical, I can get any kind of glasses I want, for an amazing price- and colored or tinted lenses are only $5 more. I also got a pair of sunglasses I love- for $12!

This is the last pair I got- the picture's not the best. But it makes me laugh, because this is me getting drunk at my husband's company party and taking a picture of myself in the bathroom. Good times.

I couldn't be happier with my purchase from Zenni. I've been checking them out on Facebook and Twitter, and I'm not alone. I can tell they care about their customers and work to make people happy. I absolutely cannot wait to order my next pair of awesome glasses with Zenni. They've got a customer for life in me!

As always, I have not been paid to write this. Or even received any free shit. But jeeze, how could they not? Look at this glowing review I wrote for them, free of charge! I love you Zenni!